As it is for many people, my working life was all consuming for a long time, and left little time for volunteering. It had been bothering me for a long time though, in that low level kind of way, that niggling feeling that something about the way I was living my life wasn’t right for me, that something was missing. At that time I wasn’t aware of the concept of values, and in hindsight I can see that my work wasn’t satisfying my core values and that is what was leaving me feeling dissatisfied. I ignored this for a awhile, but eventually I was forced to acknowledge it and in 2004 I decided it was time to investigate working in the charitable sector.
The internet is a wonderful thing, as it can expand our thinking on so many levels just through the results of a google search. In my case that was ‘working in the charitable sector’. Various charities in the UK came up, as did Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO). When I saw the site, I knew that was what I was going to do.
I applied in October 2004, was accepted by the end of the year, and left from my job as Sales Operations Manager for Carnival Cruise Lines in April 2005. Having sold my house and most of my possessions, by June I was on a plane to India. So from not volunteering at all, I was now a full time volunteer in India for a 2 year contract.
I worked for the Centre for Youth and Social Development in Bhubanswar in Orissa as a Communications Advisor, and loved it. It was challenging on so many levels – adapting to the weather, the food, the accommodation, a new culture, learning a different language, a massively different sector of work, and hugely different ways of working, office politics, hierarchy, and social life.
It’s not possible to explain in a few words what I got out of that experience. I learned so much about another country and culture, built some wonderful relationships, had some excellent adventures, and experienced a great sense of achievement over and over again as I learned how to survive and then thrive in this new world.
I left with an overwhelming feeling that I had gained so much more from 2 years in India than I had given.
I could not go back to corporate life now. Luckily an opportunity arose to set up a new international volunteering programme funded by DFID, and this allowed me to support less advantaged young people to gain a similar kind of life changing experience that I had had doing VSO. It was fantastic to hear the Platform2 volunteers talk about what they had learned, and how much the experience had changed them and their perceptions of themselves and the world when they returned.
I have been quite itinerant in my life, moving house, changing cities, moving to different countries, and this has made local volunteering a bit challenging. When I made the choice in 2011 to come back to Bedford to settle, I felt I now could commit to some regular volunteering. I applied to be a listening volunteers for Bedford Samaritans and started the training over 8 consecutive Saturdays, in May 2012.
One of the things I love about volunteering is the people I have met. In our day to day lives, we tend to mix with people who live in the same areas, work in the same place, have the same hobbies, are mostly the same age. But when you volunteer, you meet all kinds of people you might not normally ever connect with. I have met some wonderful people through Samaritans, and I find the work to be very rewarding. It sounds odd to say that I enjoy listening to people who are in distress and despair, but I have heard so many Samaritans say the same thing. The most important thing I get from doing it, is a sense of perspective. It’s easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and lose sight of the good things about it, the things we take for granted, and the things we are lucky enough to have in our lives which others can only dream of. I always leave a shift feeling grateful for my life, and for the people in it and my relationships with them.
My personal experience of volunteering and what I have learned from other volunteers is that it enriches our lives enormously. It might contribute to society, but it also contributes to us personally, giving us a sense of purpose, of connection with other people, of self worth, and perspective.
It’s for these reasons that getting involved in things bigger than yourself, volunteering, getting involved in community activities, are all great contributors to your long term happiness.
And it’s because of my feeling about volunteering that I was touched to be the recipient of the Silver Heart Award at the Bedfordshire Business Women Awards last week. The award, sponsored by Heart FM, is given to someone who may volunteer in her spare time or fundraise for charity, and recognises dedication and commitment and rewards them for their selfless attitude and kind heart.
Find out more about volunteering with Samaritans here. Or get in touch with Voluntary Works, a consortium of local organisations working to promote and support the voluntary and community sector in Bedfordshire.
Even now when I say that I feel like a bit of a fake. It seems to me that there’s some unsaid, definition of a runner, and somehow I don’t match up. I hardly look like a wippet, and believe me I don’t run like one either. However, a guy called John Bingham summed it up nicely when he said – ‘If you run, you are a runner.’
My running history began in 2003 when I ran my first half marathon, the Great North Run (GNR), with my Dad. I was 37 and my Dad was 66.
He beat me.
Life Lesson #1 – Don’t worry about what others are doing or seemingly achieving. It’s only important to challenge yourself.
I had trained for the race but by the end, I was utterly finished. All I could think about was who would contemplate the complete madness of a full marathon? That involved doing that whole thing all over again –and at the time that seemed like an impossibility.
I did get over the pain though and I entered again in 2004 and then a third time in 2008.
That last GNR was SLOW and it hurt like hell. Life Lesson #2 – No matter how many mistakes you make, or how slow your progress, you are way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
In 2008, I moved to India for a couple of years, which rather limited my running – it’s too hot, there are no pavements, and too many people staring at me in my lycra! Actually this was a bit of an excuse and reveals Life Lesson #3 – don’t be stopped by not getting started. Often the most difficult step in any endeavour is to actually make a start.
So at the start of 2011, while living with my sister in Brisbane I trained for the Twilight half. This one felt better, easier, less utterly exhausting that the previous 3 attempts.
The fact that it wasn’t quite so exhausting and my training that year to become a life coach, inspired me to up my game. I wanted to challenge myself in various areas of my life and to get out my comfort zone with some big goals and a marathon seemed just about daunting enough!
Life Lesson #4 helped big time at this stage – Set yourself a goal and break it down into smaller chunks.
Thinking about running 26.2 miles is overwhelming. By breaking it down into smaller goals, it becomes more achievable. If you can run 13 miles, it’s likely that 15 is possible, if you can run 15 then 18 is possible, and so on. And then you reach a point at about 19 or 20 miles when you start to believe you might actually be able to do a marathon.
Up to this point, I had always run alone. It hadn’t occurred to me to join a running club. That was for runners and I wasn’t a runner. However, I realised I needed extra motivation and support so I joined Bedford Harriers. Life Lesson #5 – Connecting with people, especially through common interests, helps to inspire and motivate us to achieve more.
In March, the Oakley 20 mile race which was part of my training plan, was cancelled due to snow. My delightfully mad friend Sarah thought it would be a great idea to go to Grafham Water instead and go round it not once, but twice which we did, through deep snow and slush, with a bit of wind thrown in for good measure.
Life lessons #6 – hang out with people who get you out of your comfort zone and push you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do in your life and to achieve more than you would on your own – it keeps it interesting and rewarding.
Grafham Water was a beautiful run that day, and Life Lesson #7 is to be present in the moment and aware of your senses. It’s easy to be so much inside your head that you lose the chance to enjoy what is actually in front of you.
For as much time as I remember to, as the thoughts do take over, I focus on enjoying the sights, sounds, smells around me and on how my body feels, and how the wind feels on my skin. And I think to myself – this is it, there is nothing else apart from now, and it’s perfect.
I’ve done a lot of challenging and exciting things in my life, and the marathon is probably my favourite. I loved every minute of it until I stopped and completed seized up. So once you’ve done a marathon, what’s next? Life Lesson #8 – Don’t get stuck in a rut, change things, keep things interesting and challenging.
This year, my friend Kim and I wanted a challenge to keep us running long distances regularly rather than training for a peak and then lessening off. The ‘12 in 12’ challenge has given up that. 12 half marathons in 12 months, with a cheeky sub challenge to do 3 in 3 weeks at some point.
I have now completed 11, and our finale is on 16th November at St Neots. From doing 3 halves in 5 years, I have progressed to managing 3 in 3 consecutive Sundays – which I did in September with Northampton, Richmond and Ealing.
Life lesson #9 is an important one – celebrate your successes. I suspect we spend more time thinking about the things which didn’t go so well, rather than cheerleading ourselves for our achievements. Thankfully after so much practice, I am no longer good for the nothing after a half marathon, and can now function pretty well, so Kim and I will be having a good lunch and a celebratory drink or several on Sunday 16th November.
Half marathons are run of the mill for me now – a phrase that I would not have expected to say in 2003 after being beaten by my 66 year old Dad in my first half marathon. And I have now also run a marathon, something which I used to strongly believe was impossible for me.
I leave you with Life Lesson#10 – Don’t listen to the voice in your head which is saying you can’t – it’s a liar.
Kim and I are using our challenge to raise funds for Bedford Samaritans who support people in distress and despair and have a page on Virgin Money Giving for people to donate to support us. We also have our 12 in 12 facebook page if you’d like to follow our finale.
I was reading an article the other day in a magazine about a lady who had done 100 comedy gigs in 100 days – wow, I thought, that’s really going for it. Her rationale for it was that you only get good at something if you practice every day for a sustained duration of time. It seems there’s a movement out there – #100daychallenge.
Without making myself feel inadequate by comparing myself to extraordinary people, I began to think about what habits I would like to introduce into my life, which would make a positive difference.
Having gone through a hurtful break up very recently, which rather knocked me sideways, this challenge appealed to me as not only would it create some good habits, it would also allow me to get back some control in my life.
I also know that challenges suit me, particularly ones that take some time. The sense of achievement as I continue to reach smaller goals motivates me and keeps me going.
I began with one habit – the one I have been dabbling with off and on for a few years now, without managing to make it a daily habit – meditation. That didn’t seem challenging enough though, and I wasn’t sure if it would create enough change or instill enough discipline. So I added 4 more:
Wake up at 6.30am
Read my reference books for at least 30 minutes
No snacking between meals
Tweet at least once a day
I figured the first one is the key to getting the next 2 done also, as I can tackle the first 3 before anything else in the morning. So far that seems to have worked as it gives me the motivation to stick to the other 2 for the day.
For this to work for me, it required a gold star progress reporting structure, so my fridge now has my 5 daily goals and a grid with 10 x 10 boxes with a number from 1 to 100 in each box. Each day I get to cross off a box and for every ten days successfully completed I get a gold star. Love it!
I am already 10 days in (gold star being awarded today), and feeling strong, and confident that I can do it and that it will have a very positive affect on my life.
As one year comes to an end and another begins, we naturally start thinking about what we want to change or improve in our lives. Tradition has it that we set ourselves resolutions, a host of things we plan to either start or stop doing, or do more of – losing weight, getting fit, saving money, quitting smoking, cutting back on our chocolate or booze consumption.
How many times have you begun the New Year with a bunch of resolutions? And how would you rate your success at maintaining them even to the end of January?
You are not alone; sadly about 88% of us fail to keep to our New Year Resolutions.
Don’t be discouraged though; there are some good reasons why resolutions don’t work:
Will power is not a character trait, it is more like a muscle. We need to develop it over time through repetitive use and gradually increase the challenges we set it. So starting a year with several resolutions is bit like trying to lift your own body weight without building up that strength gradually – it’s doomed to failure.
Setting ourselves abstract goals without specific actions or behaviours make it very difficult for our brains to focus on what actually to do.
We tend to set resolutions in the negative – I won’t eat chocolate, or I’ll stop smoking, and our brains do not understand negatives, which effectively means we are saying to ourselves ‘eat chocolate’ and ‘smoke’.
Often we choose to take on areas of life which we feel we ‘ought’ to sort out, but we aren’t necessarily ready to make the changes required.
There are some simple ways of increasing your chances of success:
Make your goals realistic – under promising and over delivering is far more motivating than the opposite. The more we begin to achieve the more likely we are to continue.
Set yourself milestones along the way so you are working towards a closer, smaller goal and acknowledge and reward yourself for reaching them.
Break each milestone goal down into small steps with some specific actions to follow.
Build in time for those actions – put it in your diary, write them down, create a habit around them.
Hold yourself accountable by sharing your goals with people.
Find ways to make it fun, not a chore.
This New Year resolve to set yourself some clear, realistic goals which are congruent with your current priorities. If you want support to set goals and keep you on track to reach them, contact us for a free 20 minute consultation on 01234 342919.